some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
