is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
