I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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