Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
