I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
