hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
