I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
