I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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