I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We're using joints as your birthday candles
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
