I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
handjob tips. give me some.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
