Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
These tits shall not be calmed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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