Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
