pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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