I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
