He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
