i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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