So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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