I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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