grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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