i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
