Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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