i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
