Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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