Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
