he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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