A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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