oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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