saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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