Three words: puerto rican gang bang
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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