he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
