Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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