I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
