and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
