You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
