girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
