Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
