I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize