Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
