ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've blown a few things in my day
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
