its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
