He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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