i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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