also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize