I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Blood and glitter go together right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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