I CAN MOONWALK!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
