So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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