he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
