At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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