So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
