Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
either way he was missing a nipple.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
