Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
