Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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