sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
