My Higher Power is John Stamos
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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