I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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