I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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