I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i think my cat just said my name.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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