Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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