She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
