HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
