You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
