Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize