he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
