Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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