yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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