My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
