she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
