Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
