I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Pooping to opera.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
