he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
