Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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