I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
40s are totally the cure
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
