im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
