I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
