She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize