Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
