I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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