They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
