Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize