I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
