Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
