I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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