We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
God, I missed his penis.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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