i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
