i was born a porn star she said
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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