he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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