Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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