having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
PANTIES FOUND
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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