based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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