I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
